We're not going anywhere
by oldmule
Summary: More snowy fluff between Harry and Ruth.
1. Chapter 1

**This is some fluff for Lady J to keep her smiling through Christmas. Disclaimers to Kudos. All is snow inspired.

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"We're not going anywhere."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry Ruth but it's been snowing for hours apparently, nothing's moving out there, the roads are impassable, the buses have stopped and the tube has come to a standstill.

"But it was fine when Beth and Dimitri left."

"It was then, but it's not now."

"But I haven't fed Fidget," she said simply.

"I'm sure she'll cope. Probably better than us," he added with a smile.

Ruth looked around the grid and although she had spent the night here many times before it had always been in the midst of some national emergency and sleep had not been an issue.

As though knowing her thoughts Harry said "I'll see if there are any of the in-house rooms available."

There were a handful of rooms that senior members of the service could use if necessary. Harry picked up the phone.

"Harry Pearce, I need two rooms for an overnight."

He waited.

"Are you sure?"

He paused.

"Fine, thank you."

He put down the phone and looked at Ruth.

"They have one. Seems we were the last to know what was happening outside."

"It's fine," she said, "I have work to do."

"No Ruth, don't be stubborn, you take it, I can sleep on the sofa in my office."

"Is there any food up there?"

"A packet of peanuts and a bottle of wine, if you're lucky," he said smiling.

"Then let's at least share that," she said and dared to look at him.

Harry opened the door and Ruth looked around. It was the first time she had ever seen one of these rooms. They were not unlike a standard hotel room, perhaps a little larger.

Harry scouted about and soon had in his grasp two wine glasses, a packet of cashews, a small tube of plain Pringles and a bottle of merlot.

"Feast," he said smiling.

Ruth smiled and sat in one of the two chairs. "Who needs more?"

Harry knew he did but he didn't say anything.

Ruth tried not to look at the double bed that stood at the side of them.

The table sat between them and hosted their feast of food. They both reached for the cashews and their hands collided.

"Sorry" said Ruth and pulled away.

Harry wished there was a sofa and not just chairs. He wanted to be nearer to her.

He stood up and crossed to the window opening the curtains and then returning to turn off the light. He saw the slightly surprised look on Ruth's face from the street light.

"I just thought it might be nice to watch the snow falling," he said.

They both looked out of the window at the white rooftops and the extraordinary large flakes of snow that were backlit by the streetlights. It was quite magical.

They sipped the merlot and sat quietly and contentedly until the bottle was empty.

"I best go," said Harry.

He stood up.

"Please don't."

He paused, not sure of her exact meaning.

"There're still some nuts left and I've had more than enough."

He sat back down. It wasn't much of a reason to stay but he would have accepted an awful lot less than that.

They sat for a while longer and he pretended to eat a cashew.

Ruth knew she wanted him to stay.

Harry knew he didn't want to go.

Eventually she spoke.

"If we have to stay, we might as well make the most of it," she realised that hadn't sounded quite as she intended, "I mean, it seems unfair that you should have to sleep in your office on a sofa that's only big enough for a child, let alone a grown man." She suddenly felt somewhat discomforted by the combination of "grown man" and Harry in the same thought.

"I've told you Ruth, I'll be fine, you must take the bed."

"Why don't we share it?"

He stopped, afraid to say anything.

"I mean, it's just a bed, I'm sure we're capable of sleeping in the same space without making an issue of it."

"Right," he said wanting to make an issue of it, wanting to make a total, all assuming, all consuming issue of it.

"Let's just sit and watch the snow from over there instead," she added, trying to make things easier. She got up and pushed off her shoes and cardigan and slid under the duvet, propped up against the pillows, eyes fixed firmly on the window, hoping that Harry would follow.

Harry did follow, shoes and jacket off he slid beside Ruth.

The snow was beautiful and mesmeric but it gave them an excuse, it gave them something to focus on. Their eyes focused but both their thoughts were elsewhere.

"I've never seen snowflakes that big," she said eventually.

"No, it's beautiful."

"Makes me think of being a child and being cuddled up in the warm listening to the rain and wind outside."

He looked at her and smiled, she had pulled the duvet up around her chin.

She turned then to look at him and it took all that he had to not reach out for her.

"I'm sorry, Ruth, I can't stay," said Harry and started to get out of bed.

"But Harry…"

"I'll be fine."

"Why, Harry, I don't understand what the problem is?" She tried to control her disappointment.

"Ruth, I have only so much self restraint."

She looked at him and hoped he meant what she thought he meant. But he had to say it. "Restraint over what?" she asked innocently.

"Over you." He didn't face her but pulled on his jacket.

"Harry?" she prompted.

"I'm sorry Ruth but I can't share the bed with you"

She took a deep inner breath and hoped her next words would be wise ones and not another great mistake in their long and complicated relationship, "Who says you have to be, Harry?"

"Have to be what?"

"Who says you have to be restrained?"

He looked at her and the bed and the room and wondered if she was giving him the permission he so desperately sought.

She said nothing more, she sat in the bed and he stood beside it.

And then her hand reached out and pulled back the duvet besides her.

"Come back to bed, Harry," she said, looking out of the window at the snow and watching his reflection in the glass as he shrugged off his jacket, pulled at his tie and slid back under the covers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for reviews - you made me write some more! The idea of rooms at Thames House weren't mine, sure I read it somewhere, but can't remember who I should give the credit to!**

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Harry's breathing was heavy but he was trying to control it. It wasn't the only thing he was trying to control. He had waited so long for her, had restrained himself for so many years that a few more minutes would be bearable. Surely.

Ruth was still looking out of the window. She needed him to make the first move. That first physical gesture. But they were both still there, side by side, fully clothed. It was like something out of Brief Encounter, she was surprised that they both didn't still have one foot on the ground either side of the bed to maintain all good propriety.

"I need to hold you, Ruth"

She turned to him and he gave her no time to speak as he wound his left arm around behind her and his right pulled her to him.

Ruth found her head resting on his collarbone, her forehead was against his neck. She could feel his heart beating under her hand and her breathing mimicked his own regular deep and prolonged breaths. She saw the tension in his hands as they gripped her, not uncomfortably but with great need, great unfulfilled need.

She wanted to lift her chin and let her lips roam his neck. She wanted to let her hand leave his chest and be set free to find it's own way. But she waited. She breathed with him, for him, through him, she felt his warmth, his strength, his need and then, and then, she fell asleep.

Ruth's eyes opened. She was in a strange room, she was in bed, she was dressed and she was disoriented.

And then she remembered.

She could remember his chest, she could remember how good he smelt and worst of all she could remember feeling safe and warm and sleepy.

She turned to the empty bed beside her and her heart felt all the loss and regret that were always a part of her feelings for Harry.

He was gone.

"So now you're awake" came a voice from the dark that made her jump.

She turned to the window and in the streetlight could see Harry sat in the chair watching her.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, Ruth I'm sitting here nursing my ego. Wondering where any charm I may once have had has buggered off to."

"I'm sorry, Harry. You were just so comfortable and warm and well it must have been the merlot."

"My ego has just taken a turn for the worse and plunged into terminal decline, Ruth."

She looked at him.

"There was I aiming, hoping, for sexy and virile and instead it's comfortable and warm."

"Well, Harry, perhaps I just needed a rest before sexy and virile."

"I warn you Ruth, that if I get back in that bed any gentlemanly hesitancy will be well and truly lacking."

"Stop talking and just get over here, will you."

"You'll manage to stay conscious this time." he said getting up.

"Possibly" she said smiling.

"Oh, I promise you, you will" and he lifted the duvet and made good on his promise.

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**Pos more to come, so to speak**


	3. Chapter 3

Ruth was asleep.

Again.

This time though it was very different.

Outside the window there was the dim glow of first light, a very hazy sun rose and illuminated the whiteout that was London as more snow continued to fall.

There was barely a sound of traffic or humanity outside and what there was was muffled and muted as though not wanting to intrude upon the serenity of the snow. It felt a little like Christmas morning.

Ruth's eyes opened.

This time she was not disoriented, she was not filled with regret, she was not clothed.

She smiled.

Harry was asleep, his head was resting on her chest, she couldn't see his face. In a way she was glad to have this moment alone with him, without him been able to watch her. Her hand moved to him and her fingers wound around and through his hair, delicately and lightly, exploring the curls that were beginning to form. She was breathing slowly and evenly and yet her chest felt tight and airless, her lungs were contracted, her insides were taught. She was overwhelmed with her feelings for him. So long trying to maintain control over those feelings, so many times trying to compartmentalise those feelings, to analyse them, to stop them and now all that she was left with were those feelings and they were immense.

"I probably need a haircut" came a breathy whisper from her chest.

"I thought you were asleep."

"I was, but then I woke up and decided this was a good place to be." She could feel his breath drifting across her skin. He sighed. She shivered and felt her exposed nipple harden. He smiled.

"How long can we stay here?" she asked, never really wanting to move from this moment.

"As long as you like Ruth."

"Always, then," she said.

Now Harry moved. He lay his head on the pillow besides her and they turned to each other. It was the first time in many hours that they hadn't been touching. They lay apart as they originally had but now they were facing one another. Neither spoke they merely gazed, they soaked in the face of the other like a frozen man soaks in the sun, letting it melt through to his bones and soothe him, mend him.

"You look different lying down," she said.

"In a good way, or a bad?"

"Just different. Actually I think it makes you look younger," she answered, seriously giving it Ruth like consideration.

He laughed at that.

"In that case I'll have to make sure you always have to look at me from a prone position."


	4. Chapter 4

Always wasn't always.

As much as they both would have liked to stay soaking up the other for the rest of the day they both felt responsible, they both felt irretrievably drawn back to what they expected to be an empty grid.

"So much for always, Ruth." Harry said as he fastened his shirt.

"That's the problem with real life, it keeps getting in the way," she answered and sounded a little sad.

"Come here and look."

She crossed to the window where he stood and gazed out of the window at the snow covered vista before her. Harry moved behind her and put his arms around her waist, resting his chin lightly on her shoulder. "It looks like a postcard."

"It's beautiful, Harry."

"Mmm," he murmured, thinking as wonderful as it was he would still rather look at her.

Neither wanted to move.

If Harry had known what was to happen, he would never have let her go.

"Too beautiful to bomb, " she added, "maybe they'll all have the day off."

He laughed, 'If only." And they turned for the door.

Harry paused before opening it "Maybe that cottage in Sussex doesn't seem such a bad idea, today."

She looked at him and then away, "Maybe. Sometime."

He opened the door and smiled at her. They stepped out into the corridor.

"Well, well, well. Harry, you sly old dog." Ruth froze, it was Jason Graves, Head of 6, standing only a few feet away from them.

"What are you doing here?" said Harry.

"I could ask you the same, but I think it's more than evident what you've been doing." He laughed. Harry stepped to him looking him coldly in the eye. The two knew each other of old and there was no respect, nor admiration here.

"I'm not going to explain myself to you, Jason."

"Don't worry, I don't think I need explanations, I know how it works. Any chance to bang the office secretary."

Harry's hand thrust into Graves's chest and pushed him back against the wall.

"Sorry, Harry. Secretary was beneath me and beneath you too, I'd say."

Nothing was said but the icy stare was enough. Harry released his hand and turned away from the loathsome excuse of a man.

Ruth was gone.

The Grid was empty. That was no surprise. It would be an achievement if many made it in at all today.

The surprise for Harry was that Ruth was not there.

He went to the roof. Nothing. He went to the kitchen. Nothing. He even went to the Ladies. Nothing. He reached for his phone and called her. No answer. He turned to his office and cursed the name of Jason Graves and heaped on him all the hatred in his heart.

The pod doors opened and Ruth walked onto the grid. She looked frozen. Harry was besides her in a heartbeat.

"Where have you been?"

"I went to see the snow."

"You're frozen" he reached out and took her arm.

"I'm fine, Harry," she said and shrugged off his touch.

She refused to stop and headed straight for her desk.

"Ruth, please."

She ignored him.

"I'm sorry about Graves, he's an odious man, but he doesn't matter."

"Doesn't he?"

"No, he doesn't. We matter."

"I'm sorry Harry, it was a mistake." Her eyes gave him one searing look before she turned back to her work.

"A mistake," he repeated.

She didn't reply.

He stood and said nothing for a long time. Her head was bent and it seemed for all the world like she was oblivious to his presence. She was far from oblivious. She felt him there, felt him like she was tied to him and then she felt him turn away and the ties pulled and it hurt her.

"No, damn it Ruth," he said turning back, "I won't let you do this again, I won't let you do this to us." He walked around the desk and lifted her from the chair, pinning her arms to her sides so that she couldn't protest.

"Harry, please." She struggled.

"No, Ruth, listen to me. Always, you said this morning. Always."

"That was about not wanting to get up."

"No, it was about more than that and you know it. Don't do this. Don't turn me away. Don't act because of others, act for you, for us. For me….please Ruth. Please don't shut me out."

She raised her eyes and looked at him, she had stopped struggling.

"Please…" said Harry letting go of one of her arms and slipping his hand gently to her face, stroking her cheek delicately with his thumb, imploring her.

The tension in her face began to slowly melt away. Harry waited.

"Oops, sorry, didn't mean to interrupt anything." Said a grinning Alec as he walked onto the grid and caught Harry and Ruth in an obviously intimate moment.

Ruth wriggled away from Harry, who didn't struggle to hold her anymore. She stormed off to the kitchen, head down without giving Harry a second glance.

"Coffee?" she said to Alec as she passed him, eyes still down.

"Thanks" replied Alec to her retreating back.

"I wouldn't bother," said Harry heading for his office, "you're sacked."

Alec stood on the empty grid.

"Don't worry, it only took me two hours to walk in. But hey, I'll just walk back then."

He didn't actually move, though. Unsure as to whether Harry meant it or not. He thought he'd wait for the coffee and hope Harry calmed down.


	5. Chapter 5

**Practically the end. Epilogue to follow, I think.

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Harry rescinded Alec's dismissal but did eventually send him home. The day was unusually quiet and he had bigger problems to sort out. It was too cold for terrorists but not as cold as the icy chill that surrounded Ruth.

Harry had had enough.

"What are you doing?" snapped Ruth.

"Taking your coat back off, there's still no public transport."

"But I'm going home, I'll walk if I have to."

"No, Ruth. You're not going anywhere."

"I need to go home."

"No, you need to run away. And I'm not going to let you. Not this time. In fact not anymore."

"Harry, please."

"No. We face this now."

She sat down and looked as stern as he'd ever seen her.

He pulled up a chair and sat opposite her, eyes fixed on her.

Nothing was said.

He stared. She avoided.

Silence.

"What are you looking at?"

"You, Ruth."

"Why?"

"It soothes me."

Silence.

"If I was about to die, Ruth, what would you do?"

She looked at him, briefly.

"In what way?"

He looked confused.

She clarified, "In what way were you about to die?"

"Fall off a building." It was the first, the most recent thing that came to mind.

"I'd try and secure you and stop you falling."

"What would you do if Jason Graves was about to die?"

"Give him a push."

Harry smiled, despite himself. "So why is it Ruth, that his opinion matters more than mine?"

She didn't answer.

"Ruth?"

"What do you mean, Harry?"

"I mean, why does what he thinks about us matter more than what I feel?"

"What do you feel?"

"What do I feel?" where was he to begin?

"I can't breathe when I look at you. My chest constricts when I touch you. My feelings are so overwhelming that I feel I can barely get through the day without a glimpse of you. And after last night I don't ever want to be without you."

He paused and searched her face hoping his words were reaching her.

"I still yearn to marry you….but if you don't want to that's fine, as long as I can wake up with you. That's how I feel, Ruth. That's how I've felt for so long that I can't remember what it's like to feel anything else."

He sighed.

She looked at him.

He waited.

"Please, Ruth. Please say something."

Silence and then.

"If we can't go home, is our room still available?"

"Yes, Ruth, for you always."

"Then let's go to bed, Harry."

Silence.

"Harry?"

"Yes, Ruth."

"Did you hear me?"

"Yes, Ruth, I was just thinking that that was the most wonderful thing you'd ever said to me."

"I love you Harry."

Silence.

"No, I take it back. That was by far the most wonderful thing."

He held out a hand to her and hoped that finally, finally they had passed the point of no return.


	6. Epilogue

**Epilogue. Sorry this has been a bit of a one shot spread over 6 chapters but I blame you all for sending lovely reviews that just keep me writing!

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They were just emerging from the lift when they saw Jason Graves. Harry's first instinct was to kill him. He calmed himself and reached for Ruth's hand trying to make her understand once more that he, they, were more important than this sanctimonious and odious man.

"Harry, we must stop meeting like this."

Harry ignored him and walked straight past.

"Another good night in store, then?" he added with a sick smile.

Ruth turned and Harry feared.

"I'd say so," Ruth said to Graves, "Though, it appears you're alone, again? Shame, but no surprise."

Graves opened his mouth to reply but she hadn't finished, "Shame you wouldn't know what a woman looked like without having to pay for her."

She took Harry's hand and pulled him towards 'their' room.

Harry smiled at Graves. "Goodnight, Jason."

He followed Ruth into the room and shut the door.

"I wish we'd been on the roof of the building," she said.

"Why?"

"Because then I could have pushed him."

"Ruth, you're a hard woman."

"No, Harry I've just been shown the way. Shown what matters."

"What matters, Ruth?"

"You do. We do, Harry. We do."

"No matter who knows, who comments, who gossips?"

"No matter."

"So, I can wake up with you tomorrow and know that whatever the day holds you won't try and run away again."

"Yes Harry, I promise I will never run away from you again, no matter what anyone thinks."

"It'd be easier if you were my wife and not my….bit on the side."

"Bit on the side?" she said, eyebrows raised.

"Well, you know," he said lamely.

"I can't marry you, Harry."

He said nothing.

"That's okay, Ruth."

"How can I marry a man who hasn't even told me he loves me?"

"I have."

"No, Harry, you haven't."

"I told you I couldn't breathe without you."

"Not the same thing."

He sighed.

"If I tell you I love you, if I take you to bed and show you how much I love you, will you marry me?"

"How many times will you show me?" she asked shyly.

"As many times as I'm capable of."

"Estimate?"

"How long have I got?"

"Well," she said crossing to the window and opening the curtains once more, "it's still snowing so I'm sure everyone will be late in again tomorrow."

"That's good," he said, "but I think you'll find it's about quality and not quantity, Ruth."

"How many times, Harry?" she was enjoying this now.

"Well Ruth, if you promise to stay conscious, I'll promise to be unrestrained and then we'll see what happens. And if you must, you can keep count."

"Harry, if I marry you will this feel a little less illicit?"

"Yes…no…whatever the right answer is, Ruth."

She laughed.

"You're just teasing me now," he said and pouted.

"Harry, take me to bed and show me."

He walked towards her slowly, narrowing the gap all the time.

"And then will you agree to marry me?"

"Possibly."

"Ruth!"

"Harry, you can't always have what you want."

"Are you quoting the Rolling Stones at me?"

"No. That's you can't always _get_ what you want."

He took her wrists in his hands and pulled them behind his back. "I will have what I want, Ruth. I will have you. And you will agree to marry me."

"Is that right?" she said teasingly.

"Yes, that's right."

"Or else what, Harry?"

"Or else….I'll never kiss you again."

"Fine," she said.

He kissed her suddenly, passionately and then stopped. Her eyes remained closed willing him to continue, willing to feel his soft, full lips once more.

"Shall I carry on?" he asked.

"Mmmm," she answered, eyes still closed.

"Then say you'll marry me."

"I'll marry you, yes. Now for god's sake kiss me again, Harry."

He smiled and kissed her and held her tight and felt the breath in his chest constrict and wondered if he would ever be able to stop wanting her.

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**Hope you enjoyed and hope it kept Lady J smiling!**


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